Levi Ackerman looked at the fluffy cat in his hands and felt angry.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his ugly surroundings. He had always hated cramped Wall Maria with its horrible, hot houses. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel angry.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Eren Jaeger. Eren was a polite monster with ugly hair and pretty tongue.

Levi gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a mean, rude, tea drinker with tall hair and short tongue. His friends saw him as a horrible, hot hero. Once, he had even helped a xenophobic Armin cross the road.

But not even a mean person who had once helped a xenophobic Armin cross the road, was prepared for what Eren had in store today.

The rain hammered like running titans, making Levi furious.

As Levi stepped outside and Eren came closer, he could see the faffdorking glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want a kiss," Eren bellowed, in a hasty tone. He slammed his fist against Levi's chest, with the force of 9564 frogs. "I frigging love you, Levi Ackerman."

Levi looked back, even more furious and still fingering the fluffy cat. "Eren, tch," he replied.

They looked at each other with upset feelings, like two delicious, damp dogs making love at a very kind funeral, which had nightcore music playing in the background and two sweet uncles eating to the beat.

Suddenly, Eren lunged forward and tried to punch Levi in the face. Quickly, Levi grabbed the fluffy cat and brought it down on Eren's skull.

Eren's ugly hair trembled and his pretty tongue wobbled. He looked lazy, his body raw like a proud, pickled pillow.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Eren Jaeger was dead.

Levi Ackerman went back inside and made himself a nice cup of tea.


Moral of story: Eren is an idiot, and fluffy cats are deadly weapons.