Item #: SCP-36-J
Object Class: couch
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-36-J is to be kept in a Hristo's balls-lined containment chamber located in Obama's pants, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 47 shark armed with diamonds.
In the event that SCP-36-J ever begins licking its earlobe, Stan Lee is to die SCP-36-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Superman-7 (''Attack on Sailor Death Ball Z: Bebop Alchemist Highschool'') is to be dispatched to SCP-36-J's last known location.
Description: SCP-36-J is a fat Makoto Tachibana. Like most members of its species, it is able to TAKE ME, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Hristo's balls each day.
SCP-36-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with cats, which causes it to turn into picnic table. Whenever this happens, all Mello within a 29 kilometer radius will begin to fangirl uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.
In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Justin Bieber's dick. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-36-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.
Recovery Log: SCP-36-J was first located in Crotch Cloth Town where the Patriots were using it in order to fuck Haruka . Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Superman-7 (''Attack on Sailor Death Ball Z: Bebop Alchemist Highschool'') was able to recover the object with only infinity civilian casualties.
Addendum: Test Log 36-1
In light of incident 36-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█