Dear Mr. Eyebrows,    

 To me, you are like a very sexy titan and I'm not sure that I need a very sexy titan in my life right now. Things started to go wrong when I caught you licking with my Farlan. It's not that I don't love you. It's just that your Mike is extremely sexy and your Hanji is, without a doubt, the most sexy person I've ever known. It's true, we've had some sexy times banging together. You have balls like sexy freaky turnips and the most sexy tongue I've ever seen. Your personality is like a really sexy scary hobo kissing into my skull. When I see you stalking it makes me want to steal your freaky turnip balls and post them to Wall Maria. I lie in bed at night wishing you were Eren Jaeger and not a titan who likes licking with my Farlan. What I'm trying to say, is take your sexy tongue and go.   

Yours no more, Levi Ackerman 

Moral of the story: Don't get caught licking with Levi's Farlan. 

And Erwin, you may want to guard your balls.